Of Doubts and Trust
by SpiteFairyx
Summary: After the Grand Prix Final, Viktor and Yuuri train together to work on Yuuri's next program. However, doubts brooding Yuuri's mind seems to stop his progress, and it's up to Viktor to put a cease to it.


Katsuki Yuuri was in love with Viktor Nikiforov. He was so much in love that he ran away and hid for the rest of the day.

It started off as a normal day as usual between the two males. Yuuri came to Ice Castle late, and apologized consistently to Viktor, to which Viktor smiled and told him it was fine.

Today they were working on a new program for Yuuri, to knock the world off its feet and show that Katsuki Yuuri was capable of winning gold for sure. After being beaten by .12 points by the well know Russian Punk, Yuri, Viktor was determined to show that Yuuri was capable of winning gold.

Yuuri let off an anxious laugh as Viktor flushed him closely to his body, a bear hug, to call it. Viktor, noticing the tension in his chuckle, pulled Yuuri away and stared him down.

"Yuuri? Am I bothering you?" Viktor said seriously.

"No...?" Yuuri replied back staring back at Viktor confused. Sure getting used to Viktor's overly active touches were weird at first and definitely very intimate, he had started to get used to it in the past year. "Why?"

"You just seem a bit, I don't know, nervous."

"That's everyday, Viktor." Yuuri said with a slight smile.

"Oh? I know you get nervous, but lately more than usual. Why is my little Katsudon acting in such a manner, hm?" Viktor said sliding closer to Yuuri.

"W-Well, t-thats..." Yuuri said as he tried to slide a bit back away from Viktor.

"Running are we?"

"Correction, skating away." Yuuri replied back, a bit of cockiness in his voice as he moved further away from Viktor. Viktor smiled and soon had a spark in his eye. If his Katsudon wanted a challenge, then he was on.

Viktor skated across the ice as graceful as ever, gaining speed to catch Yuuri as he tried to zigzag his way on the ice to confuse the other male. Viktor closed his eyes as he suddenly took off in the air. Yuuri stopped for a moment, shocked that Viktor suddenly jumped doing a quadruple flip. He was also shocked to see Viktor land a few inches away from him, before being crashed onto the ice with Viktor on top of him. Yuuri gasped, as he tried to hurriedly push Viktor off of him, before Viktor slowly reached his face up to his, smiling sweetly down at Yuuri.

"I win..." He said while smirking at the gaping Yuuri. "What's my reward?"

"U-U-Uhmm..."

"Kiss, perhaps?" He said as he leaned his face closer to Yuuri's.

"V-V-Vi-Viktor!" Yuuri squealed, as Viktor left open-mouthed kisses on his jawline, slowly making his way down to his neck. The ice was cold, but Viktor's kisses made him feel hot all over.

Yuuri put his hand over his face to hide the hot blush that was spreading as quick as a wildfire, and willed the urge to not cry as Viktor continued his minstrations. It was too much for him.

'Viktor...'

'I like you so much... but I'm not sure if you do...'

Yuuri knew his self-confidence has gotten better in the past year, and it was thanks to Viktor. Although it has grown, he still has his doubts when it does come to Viktor. He wanted the world to know that he was the one who took Viktor, but in the end he felt selfish for such wistful thinking. He resorted to trying to push Viktor away the night before the Free Skate, and have him instead competing again for the new season. He originally planned to get gold, but he failed. Making the podium for the first time was nice, but he felt like a complete failure after everything Viktor has done to get him to his current self.

He was surprised, to say the least, when Viktor still wanted to be his coach. There was an indescribable emotion that swelled in his chest, and gave him trouble breathing. Yuuri was then begging Viktor to stay with him for one more year, and was crying from pure joy when Viktor accepted.

However, Viktor's touches were becoming more frequent and Yuuri knew little on how to react. He knew he liked Viktor, as an ideal, but now a dear friend.

'Friend...but it feels more than that though.'

He thought maybe it was more of a familial type of emotion, but the other day he saw Viktor naked and blushed like a madman. Sure it wasn't his first time seeing the older man in all of his glory, but he never felt so bashful staring at him.

'Love...Wait what...?'

'I love Viktor?'

'Sure I do...I did announce over national television...but that doesn't feel right... that love didn't make me feel so...breathless.'

Yuuri gasped at the sudden realization. He loved Viktor...but what will he do with those new found emotions? He stared at Viktor who was sucking at a certain spot on his neck, which in turn made Yuuri tremble as he tried to hold back a moan.

'But does he love me back...?'

Yuuri never felt so unsure as Viktor bit down lightly over his pulsing vein. A loud moan escaped Yuuri, he blushed harder and tried to push Viktor off of him.

"Yuuri?" Viktor said, as he looked up at him, lust in his crystal blue eyes.

Yuuri gulped and before averting his eyes.

'Why is there so much affection in his eyes?'

Yuuri bit his lip, his doubts rising at an alarming rate.

'He's only staring at me like that because he's imaging someone else...I know I'm not worth his affection... why did I think for a second I ever was?'

'I need to leave!'

"Yuuri...?- Wait, where are you going?" Viktor called after Yuuri, after he successfully freed himself, somehow having enough resolve. Yuuri skated as fast as he could, and pulled himself up from the rink. He kicked off his skates and ran to the locker room.

Changing in about .2 seconds before he was running away from Ice Castle.

The tears streamed down his face as he tried hurriedly get home, bumping into people while doing so.

'Gosh!'

He ran for a good half mile before his home came into view. Hurriedly taking off his shoes at the entrance to his home, he ran past his mother, Hiroko, who blinked at the blur of his figure.

"...Yuuri?"

Yuuri proceeded to slam his door and lock it as he cried into his pillow. His heart was racing, as a storm of hiccups wracked his small frame.

'Why did I run away?'

'Oh yeah, that's right, I like...no that's wrong...I love Viktor, and I'm a lowly piece of shit who shouldn't even bother trying to adore his affection.'

'Why am I alive, to be honest... I should... just die.'

* * *

Viktor arrived as quickly as he could to the Katsuki's residency. He was immediately met with the worried face of Hiroko.

"Vic-chan? Do you know what's wrong with poor Yuuri?" Concern lacing her voice.

Viktor gave her a small smile. "I'm not sure either, he ran away in the middle of training. I'm going to check on him though."

"Oh thank goodness, he hasn't acted this way in a long time." She said, relief washing over her features.

"What do you mean in a long time?" Viktor said, a frown slowly making his way onto his face.

"Oh Vic-chan...it's a long story, but I'll give you a briefing on it." Hiroko said, taking a seat. Viktor followed suit and sat down across from her. She seemed to play with the sleeve of her dress, deciding on how to tell the young man.

"You see... Yuuri is a very fragile child." She started off, smiling sadly. "As a kid, he was often bullied for being different. Instead of playing with the other children, Yuuri spent most his time reading. It got worse as he grew older. Yuuri...also...never had to wear glasses before. His vision was really well...except one day he was repeatedly beaten in both of his eyes."

Viktor's hands gripped his pants as he listened. Anger slowly bubbling beneath the surface of his calm facade.

Hiroko smiled reassuringly at Viktor. "To be honest with you, we thought he was going to become blind. When the swelling went down, the doctor informed us his vision was greatly damaged, but with the help of glasses, he may be able to see well again. Of course we went and got them right away, but the bullying just got worse for my son. Mari, you know his older sister, got extremely protective of Yuuri, and was constantly ditching her classes to check up on him." Hiroko twiddled her thumbs and sighed sadly as she began the next part of her story.

"One night...Yuuri excused himself from dinner early. Which in most cases, it was fine, but I had gave him a serving of Katsudon and he didn't eat it. I was worried, so I went to check up on h-him... in his r-room." She said, sobs beginning to wrack her body. Viktor stared, shocked at the sudden breakdown in emotions. He stood up and rubbed her shoulder soothingly. "Oh...I'm such a failure of a mother, Vic-chan... here I thought Yuuri's torment was over at his school when he would come home with no injuries, but he just never said anything. H-H-He... I found h-him in his room... unconscious, blood poured around his body. He tried to slit his w-wrists...but barely missed his veins. ...I...panicked! I was screaming, while holding my baby to my chest, and Toshiya hurriedly tried to call an ambulance. An occurrence of this has not happened in a very long time, he was 17 and there we no signs of suicidal intentions from him. Well... I'm trying my best to trust him not to hurt himself, but I can't shake this ominous feeling I'm getting. He ran in here, without a glance at me, before slamming his door. I'm worried about him. Vic-chan... please can you check on him?"

"Of course, Hiroko." He said, giving her a hug. Viktor stood up, a look of anger briefly passing his face before disappearing as fast as it came. The thought of his Yuuri doing such a thing seemed just so...unlikely! He thought on what he would say once he and Yuuri had a nice "talk."

* * *

Yuuri was in the bathroom.

He stared at himself, eyes glinting with a hint of determination as he held a pocket knife that was usually kept away, hidden in the darkest corners of his bedroom.

'The world is better without me anyways!' He thought stubbornly, before raising the knife to his neck, lightly pressing it where his neck was connected to his vertebrates. Before he could press harder though, there was a loud knock at his door. He gasped as he dropped the knife.

"Yuuri! I know you're in there! Open the door!" Viktor's voice broke through the deafening silence in the bathroom. Yuuri stayed quiet, hoping that was enough to deter Viktor from further hindering his act of self harm...or well, killing himself. "Yuuri!"

"..."

"I have a steaming hot bowl of Katsudon for you~!"

Yuuri smirked.

'Nice try, Viktor, but I'm not falling for that.'

There was sigh. Yuuri thought Viktor had given up, before there was the sound of his door being unlocked. His eyes widen.

'Okaasan must had given him my extra bedroom key. Dammit.' Yuuri thought frantically, as he tried to grab the knife and hide it, but it was too late. Viktor had opened the bathroom door was staring at him with a brief look of shock, before his face reverted into something akin to hidden rage.

"Yuuri~ What were you planning on doing with that knife?" Viktor said, a smile smearing his face that gave Yuuri chills.

"C-Cutting...fruit?" Yuuri sheepishly said, although knowing Viktor was not going to believe him with any excuses he gave him. He felt sadness rain over him as he watched Viktor tsked his tongue, before taking the knife out of Yuuri's hand. He made Viktor mad...

Yuuri clenched his eyes shut.

"Yuuri..." Viktor called out. He peaked an eye open as he stared into Viktor's endless blue ones. He could see the overbearing sadness in his eyes as he looked at him. He wanted to tell Viktor it was going to be alright as long as he was out of the picture, but instantly shut his mouth when he was pulled into a hug. "Why would you want to do such a thing to yourself?" Viktor said, voice shaking with sorrow.

"I..."

"You have many people who love you, Yuuri...your mother, sister, father, friends, fans... and me...please don't take away the only joy I have been able to feel until now. You make happy, Yuuri, and I would honestly feel like nothing if you were gone." Viktor said sincerely.

Yuuri felt tears welling in his eyes.

"B-But...how can you love someone as horrible as me...?" He said trembling in Viktor's arms. Viktor pulled him closer, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"You're worth more than you can imagine, Yuuri."

Yuuri soon grabbed onto Viktor as he broke down into tears that seemed to never end. Viktor had hushed him and told him everything was okay, but he felt like a total jerk for putting almost everyone through that, especially Viktor. Viktor had told him he would only forgive him if he promised one thing.

"I want you to come to me when you're starting to doubt yourself, Yuuri. Bottling in your emotions isn't healthy for you, and as your coach/fiancé I refused to be let in the dark of your feelings. We can work through them together, okay?" Viktor said, smiling down brightly at Yuuri who stared at him in awed.

...

...

...

"Okay...Viktor..."

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I'm pretty sure a lot of my readers who follow; favorite me on my Slender stories were not expecting this. I've always been into anime if some of you did not know, but Yuri on Ice has been on mind ever since I started watching it back in October and wow! Episode 12 honestly made me cry. It was really beautiful. I had another Yuri on Ice story in the makings, but I've decided to revise it because I want it to be a long-term story. I am also going to update Shattered, but with the way Yuri on Ice has set my heart on fire, I don't know when I will return tbh. However, this was just supposed to be a little short story, but I've been considering on turning it into a full-blown story if I get some good reviews :P This "one-shot" originally was supposed to be a smut, and yes, this would be my first attempt at it, but anything for Viktuuri! For now the rating for this story is set for "T" unless motivated to add the smut :) If there are any grammar mistakes, sorry! Sometimes I get a bit lazy with my proof-reading, although I tried to put in an effort this time. Thanks!

P.S. I'm sorry if the themes I used in this little AU was bit dark... but I figured that since Yuuri seems to have major anxiety and depression, as seen in the anime, it was safe to assume that possibly he self-harmed...or was a "bit" suicidal. If this offends anyone, sorry ^0^ but I got a bit carried away when writing this. ^ I honestly can relate to Yuuri, so I enjoyed writing this, but if you guys want more, let me know in your reviews...if anyone does read my author's note :D


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